Being newly single, I’ve been reading a lot more about approaching women and flirting. Through my reading, I noticed an odd trend. In every article, thread, and Youtube video you will see the same word come up over and over, and that is the word “creepy”.
Everywhere you go, you’ll see men seeking the answer to the one holy question “How do I talk to women without being creepy?” It was only thanks to chatting with a good friend that I realized the answer, “You can’t.”
For better or worse, I’ve realized that “creepy” is the male equivalent of “slut”. If a woman does something sexual you don’t like, she’s a slut, and if a man does something, he’s a creep. This has caused men, in the exact same way as women, to become obsessed with the word that shames them.
If you talk to any man about their fears around flirting, the word “creepy” inevitably comes up. Many men spend hours talking about the paradox of needing to be sexually assertive and confident, yet being terrified of overstepping an invisible boundary. You are shoved into a mindset of being an obsessive mess over female comfort zones, constantly trying to guess what is acceptable and what is not, and you might think you could just ask, but that in itself is often seen as obsessive and creepy.
Realizing all this has made me want to change my approach to sexuality. I now want to take an approach where I am kind yet unapologetic. I will always respect the word “no”, but if I feel attracted to somebody, I will express that attraction without shame. I won’t feel ashamed for my desires to flirt, touch, and kiss. If I am respectful, kind, and mindful of consent, I should not be shamed for sharing my attraction.
In addition to this, much in the way I will not tolerate a woman being called a slut, I’m not going to tolerate guys being called creepy anymore. In my opinion, the only time either of these words should be used is when a person violates consent or reacts hostilely to the word “no”. Nobody should be shamed for their sexuality. It’s part of who you are, and every one has one.